Progress - Digress

Here I go opening my heart up for the world to look in, sometimes I question my sanity. Here's the story, I was doing so well with my recent heartbreak (so I thought) until I "ran into her" over the weekend. It was getting easier everyday dealing with the loss, the emptiness inside. But then like a dam had broken the emotions flooded back in renewing the hurt all over again. I thought I was over the loneliness of waking up without her by my side, walking in to an empty house, hoping her car is in the driveway each time I come home, hoping it's her every time the phone rings or each time I check the answering machine. Hoping to see her name in every email opened. Everywhere I look I see reminders of her, of us. Songs play on the radio sometimes in succession as if just to haunt me. The bad thing is I had come to terms with being rejected but I asked if she made the right choice in leaving and got an "I don't know" answer which only fueled the hope of her coming back, now I have to start the process all over again. I know she is not coming back, my heart knows that, at least not soon-If I know her it'll take a few years to figure out she screwed up. It's the process of starting over-moving on I guess that is so hard. I think what hurts the most is thinking she really doesn't know how much I love her, I think somehow because she never had it before that in her mind it became unbelievable. It wasn't from lack of telling or showing her, I do know that. I know you're thinking "oh it'll get better" or "you'll forget about her and move on" so let me tell you,I don't need to hear your empty advice. The love I have will never die, yes it will go to some secret place in my heart so I can move on but it will always remain just below the surface, hiding behind every smile. After all, I can't show the toll it is taking- my heart breaking. Well, that's off my chest. It only took a few short hours with her to make my progress-digress. Until next time. Keeponkeepin'on

...D..