Grey areas, Mazes, & Boobie Traps!

It all has to be mowed.

2008-09-11T10:27:00.008-05:00

Have you ever thought about the price of happiness? What does it take to get it? How many people try to buy it? It cannot be purchased although many continue to try but it does come at a price. I've seen women marry men with money thinking that would bring them happiness but it didn't keep them warm at night. It didn't fill the void that only true love can fill it merely pacified them. They go on shopping sprees in attempt to make themselves happy but this is only temporal. The reality pricks the heart once the clothes are in the closet and there are still no arms around them, or no conversation from the one that should care about her day. On the other side of this coin you have people who are always looking across the fence. Of course I mean they think the grass is greener on the other side. So when they destroy their family by cheating for the sake of "happiness", what price was paid for it? Did they truly find happiness, did it work out the way they thought it would? There is much I may not understand in life but I have had a crash course in this area over the last year or so and the biggest thing I've learned is: chop your problems up like a pie, you can't eat a whole pie but you can consume it one piece at a time. Work on the problems one at a time, otherwise I promise you, you will get overwhelmed! You may not salvage your marriage, it may still end but you will know that you gave it a fighting chance. All relationships take work if you want them to last. As long as the relationship is alive it is growing therefore it needs maintenance. Once it fails and is truly and legally over, then and only then should you seek another pasture. Green grass sure is pretty regardless of what side the fence it is on. The reality is though, it all has to be mowed. Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Life's a game...

2008-09-08T11:02:00.002-05:00

Why does everything have to be a game in life? It seems like people just don't have the capability of being straight forward. I mean, come on, how hard is it to say what you mean? If you want cherry pie then ask for cherry pie; don't take the long way around and make people guess what you want, "I'd like the pie that's made with the red fruit, you know, it's sweet, taste real good, you know the one, yeah I'll have that one". You wonder why there is such a communication breakdown in relationships? It is because people make it a game. Try to point out an issue and instead of grabbing the noun (in this case the problem) that you were describing they grab the verb (not the problem) and take the conversation in a whole new direction. Listen people, connect the dots, SAY WHAT YOU MEAN! LOL...yes, as you can see this drives me crazy. I really don't think comprehension is the issue, if it is God help us because the world is full of dumb people. Now, after a statement of such I should say that no, I do not consider myself to be exceptionally astute but I do use my brain. If I were to say to you "You are not as emotionally mature as I" how would you interpret that? Am I calling you emotionally immature or saying you just haven't reached the level I have emotionally? I find that most people would jump on the defensive and say that I was calling them emotionally immature when that is not the case at all. If you think about the structure of the sentence it is clear. It does not make reference to immaturity at all or any particular level, it only states that there is a different level. So how or why do people interpret that incorrectly? Are they even listening at all? Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

A Bug, a weed and a memory

2008-09-04T07:26:00.012-05:00

Here we are making a feeble attempt at blogging again. I really wish I could blog daily but it starting to look more like a weekly thing. So I went back home to West Virginia over the Holiday weekend, I had big plans; my best friend was driving in from KY and we were going to dig some Ginseng together. Well, I caught a bug! I was laid up on my parents couch for the bigger part of Saturday and Sunday. I mustered enough strength to drive to Charleston to meet my friend; he wanted to go to Gander Mountain and to take me out to dinner. Since I had him drive home and spent no time with him the previous two days I made myself go. It all worked out, I actually started feeling better by the time I met him. We ran into another friend whom we graduated with (he was actually part of the core group growing up) which was a pleasant surprise; after all it has been about 15+ years since we've talked. After a long evening and drive back to Beckley I finally got to hit the sack about midnight. So here comes dad 8 am the next morning waking me up, "Darren, what's the plan for today-are we going sengin'?" I lay there totally exhausted from the previous 2 days of illness, I mean, I literally lost every possible ounce of fluid in my body. I actually lost 7 pounds in a 48 hour period. Can you say major dehydration? So here I am listening to the enthusiasm in my 66 year old dads voice as he asks if we are going "sengin". I know he hasn't been in about 15 years; I get up "yeah we're going" he starts scurrying around getting ready. A light breakfast, a short drive and a couple hours later - here we are, traipsing up the steep slopes of the WV hills in the middle of nowhere, a place called Mahan between Beckley and Charleston. I didn't let dad know but I was struggling, there was more sweat coming out of my already dehydrated body than I had water to put back in; but man he's excited, "Boy! I feel really good climbing these mountains, didn't know if I still had it in me", somehow I feel a sense of jubilation. I know my years with dad are dwindling away, I cherish times like these. I wonder how many times as I was young and he was teaching me the "ways of the woods", and I was the one struggling for strength to climb that he felt this same sense of pride as he watched over me as I am now carefully watching over him? I have many fond memories of us together in the outdoors, memories that will bring laughter and even tears for many years, even as I write this my eyes well up from time to time. We finally hit a rough spot in the mountains and dad starts revealing he's tired. Me? I've been weak in the knees and shaking for over an hour now, am I ready? You better know it and I still have to drive back to TN; it's going on 4 o'clock already. By the time we get back to the truck I feel totally exhausted, my water has been gone for awhile now and I need some fluids in me!! We get home and my loving mother has made me some chicken and dumplings, a fresh gallon of sweet tea and a blackberry cobbler! "Love you mom"! Some dumplings and a half gallon of tea later and I'm sick again, I know, I know, you can't drink that much too quickly; but you don't understand- I needed fluids, ugh. To help you understand how bad, I had the water while in the woods, the half-gallon of tea, a large glass of milk and my body absorbed it, no bathroom till the next morning and it was minute. TMI? Sorry. So there you have it, my wonderful fun filled Labor Day weekend. Even with all the negatives that happened the positive time of memory making with my dad made the weekend one of the best in years. Enjoy every second with your loved ones, you never know when it will be the last. A bug, a weed and a memory. Keeponkeepin'on.

...D..

A word for you

2008-08-26T10:34:00.005-05:00

I really would like to help you but I just don't know how. I don't think me being at your fingertips has helped you move on, and on the other hand I know being just out of reach is what hurts the most. It can be quite confusing. I hate that you are hurting. I don't know if it is warranted or not but nevertheless I feel guilty somehow, even though I never did anything to intentionally hurt you. I still believe I was only temporal in your life, at least for the purpose of opening you up. I'm sure all that still confuses you but look at where you are now to where you were 1 year ago. If you look hard enough I know you will find many positives that you can be thankful for. Try to get comfortable on the high wire you're walking, realize it is just another route, a passage on your journey. Wherever the road may lead gather the tidbits of happiness along the way. The sun still shines through the rain though the clouds block it from view. So what if it's raining, the beautiful flowers are standing tall thankful for the drink-look at them, they're just as pretty in the rain. Is it really that dark and gloomy around you or has your focus been misdirected? Listen as the birds talk to God and sing to you, can you still hear them? Smell the fresh scents in the moistened air, that's Gods refreshing breath of life.
Look around at all he has created just for you, the colors, the sounds. There is love all around you. You are never alone, Papa is always watching over you. He hears your cries, he feels your pain. Your growing pains are birthing a new, more beautiful you, keep pressing on. Don't let the rain stop you from seeing the gifts he gives you throughout each and every day. You are so blessed. Don't think you are not loved just because those around you don't know how to help you on this walk, sometimes they are barely standing themselves. I've seen those around you, as I've told you before-you are wealthy beyond measure in love. Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Time...

2008-08-14T10:52:00.003-05:00

Time is a very peculiar thing. It last forever yet there is never enough of it. It can help you or it can hurt you. It can be your friend or it can be your enemy. Time can move either slow or fast and yet still remain constant. Time can be tracked but never captured. You can never out run it nor will it leave you behind-it remains encompassed around you. Time can make pain seem like it last forever yet it never fails to make the heartache stop. Time is like the wind, you feel its presence but it cannot be seen. It leaves a definite path through history yet it cannot be travelled upon. Time seems like it is infinite but I think it is created or born every millisecond. Time...time..shoot, I'm out of it; time to run!
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Ridin' The Rails

2008-08-11T10:50:00.004-05:00

Good Monday morning! Well, it's not the best I've had but I am healthy and alive. Everything is in cruise mode right now, nothing spectacular happening but not too much drama either, although it lurks just waiting for the moment to leap out. I just can't believe where the time goes, there is so much I want to do but I never have enough time to do it. I know, we all have this problem. So do we try to do too much? Is there too many tasks on our plate, too many irons in the fire? I suppose it is better to have too much to do than not and just have idle time to waste. After all, goals are important and plans help keep us somewhat structured. We just have to realize that things change and completion dates may need pushed back, that doesn't make us non-productive. So anyway, I guess I'll keep planning and looking forward and setting new goals and adjusting time tables for old goals and well, just keep chuggin' along. Such is life, it is one long train ride. There are many stops, many junctions. Some stops are short while others may leave you feeling stranded at times. Just keep shovelling coal in the fire and if it gets too hot then by all means blow off some steam. Hope you have an awesome week, just hang on and keep ridin' the rails! Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Ain't life grand...?

2008-08-06T10:52:00.002-05:00

Another day in paradise, just another day at the office, another chance to live the American dream...yeah, screw all that. I am just about to my breaking point with my job. Constant changes from people that don't have a freaking clue what customer service is because they come from a manufacturing background, strong attitudes that think they do no wrong...God I love proving them otherwise (and yes they hate me for it). The most recent change doesn't necessarily affect me but it may reach some of my employees. New Attendance policy put in place effective September 8, 2008.....but it retros back to September 8, 2007. Occurrences used to fall off after 90 days of perfect attendance, now they fall off after 12 consecutive months. Yep, you got it, all those that fell off in the last 12 months will now be picked back up and placed on your attendance record. If you have 6 occurrences for the 12mo period you are terminated. We have employees that are within a 1/4 occurrence now so retro that back and they're done. I know, I know, they are the ones that got themselves into the situation in the first place but they were abiding by the previous policy. That's kind of like getting thrown in jail for eating an apple 6 months ago because effective today eating apples is illegal. I understand the new changes and why they are put in place, I even agree that it is a better policy. I don't have a problem with the new policy going into effect but it needs to start on its effective date.It just doesn't make sense to hold someone accountable for a new policy going back a year when the person was abiding by the current policy at that time. Anyway, this just adds to the frustration that my job has been creating in me over the last couple months. I am being pushed closer and closer to the door. GRRRR...
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

So much to do and so little time..

2008-08-05T10:43:00.002-05:00

Sheesh!!! Why is there so little time in a day? It doesn't matter how productive you are there always seems to be more that could have gotten done. Lately it seems I just haven't had the time to blog and when I do sign on to give it a whirl my mind drops back to punt! Most of the time I have more thoughts than I could put on paper but lately I think I haven't slowed down enough to even think. Life is good right now, kinda wading into new waters in my personal life. It's different but not at all how I imagined. It's amazing what releases can happen in our lives once we tear the walls down and open up to whatever may come our way. I wonder, what have I missed over the years due to my blindness, my walls? Hmm...interesting,I just received a text. After almost three years my ex-wife just sent me a text telling me goodbye. Don't misunderstand, we have spoken on several occasions, what I'm saying is that she just now decided to let me go. I write this only because she tried to slap me in the face with my "openness" and since I am writing about that very thing I thought I would share. She just wished me luck in all my endeavors and adventures that I am enjoying because I am so open to life and new things. She then proceeded to tell me that I was not truly open to new things because if I were I would have given her another chance, that I would have tried seeing her in a new light, her "now" opposed to the 18 year old that I married (and was married to 14 years). Interesting?! So I wonder if she thinks I don't really know her after 17 years? Has she made such a change in the last few years that I would find new love where old love never existed? For my disclaimer I will say she truly is a wonderful person but we got married too young and I just never knew what love was. This too she made a point to mention that now I know what love is and I should have given "us" another chance. Well, I don't understand how people think you can just fall in love with anyone you choose. If this were the case no one would be alone, everyone would be happy and the world would be a simpler place. Reality check! You can lead a heart to love but you can't make it fall. The heart is a funny thing, it falls for whom it will, when it will and knows no bounds in doing so and on the flip side when you find someone you would like to fall in love with the heart lays dormant, go figure? So, now that my mind has been swayed from the original thought process I think I will get back to work, after all, there is so much to do and so little time....
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Hump Day!

2008-07-30T20:22:00.002-05:00

Hump day, middle of the week, can't wait for the weekend day. What can I say, this day we teeter on how bad the first half was or how nice the weekend is going to be. My hump day kinda sucked. My truck is being worked on, apparently Dodge can sell me a 40,000 dollar truck but they can't find a clunking noise in the front end. So now that they have had it five different times and I'm in yet another loaner car my patience is running out. If this keeps up I will have driven every product Dodge and Chrysler make. So last night I'm on my way home and I here a squeal and then the power steering goes out, everything starts to malfunction in the 06 Cherokee Laredo I'm driving. I keep driving, screw it, it's not mine and I'm almost home. When I pull into the drive this babies smokin' like there's a Bonn fire under the hood. So now I have nothing to get me to work in the morning; I could ride my Harley but they're calling for 50% chance of rain and we all no how my luck goes with rain. I call in, wake up at 8 am when the service dept. opens so I can have them bring me a new loaner. I go back to sleep for about an hour, get up, do my thing and wait...and I wait...and I wait!! Finally I call to check the status about 11:30, good news, the tow truck is loading my new ride to bring and swap out-great. Time for another 15 or 20 minute nap, (it was a long night-another blog altogether-NOT). Finally, a rap on the door. It's 1:00, yep, 5 hours later I finally have transportation. Crap, it's another Jeep Cherokee Laredo, but an 07 this time..big deal, I miss my big red 2008 1500 4-door Dodge Ram!! Withdrawals. Alright, time to go to work, heck, I'm only 7 1/2 hours late but I can still get in a good 4 hours. That's it, that's my hump day. I hope yours went much better. Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Cowboy up!

2008-07-29T06:57:00.003-05:00

OK, so it's time to talk about walls again. Why do we build the stupid things anyway? Oh, that's right-it's to protect us, to keep us from getting hurt. Hmmm, so now that your life is in this nice little safety bubble I have one question, are you happy? No I think not, you may be content or comfortable but you are not truly happy. I say that because the very thing you are longing for is the very thing that you are keeping at arms length, outside your walls. You simply cannot have it both ways. Either you want to live, love and be happy or you want to remain inside your safety bubble. Black & white-right there it is. Here's what's going to happen, while everyone else is out chasing their dreams you will one day find yourself at the end of your rainbow with nowhere to go and no pot of gold. We think that we are protecting ourselves from hurt when in reality we are just creating more in the long run. In essence, we take the waterfall of emotion the hurt created and dam it up and let it trickle out over a long period of time just enough to keep the dam from busting. So in doing so the pain never really goes away because we didn't heal, forgive and move on. Instead we hide our pitiful little selves behind walls. If you've been hurt and you have built a wall, what happens when the next person comes along? Do you keep them on the outside making them pay the price for the hurt someone else caused? I had a good friend beside me as I was tearing down my last remaining walls a few years back so I can say this with experience and the utmost confidence; the only true happiness you will ever find will be when you have no more walls to hide behind. When you are completely exposed, naked before the world open and ready for whatever may come your way. Life hurts, love hurts, but you can not quit living just because you get hurt. It truly is better to have loved and failed than to never have loved at all. Think of how great it is to have someone to share everything with, that's what we all long for, that's the reason you built your wall because you lost this very thing. Quit hiding behind walls, go after what makes you happy. A cowboy rides not worried about the fall, get up-dust yourself off and try it again. Cowboy up!

*#@%$ YOU!

2008-07-25T22:42:00.002-05:00

Why do we have to be such a judgmental society? Where does it come from? Do we just keep passing it down from one generation to the next? I wonder at times if I am the only person to see people for who they are and not what their status is, or where they came from, where they've been, or who they know. We are even judgemental of ourselves, and we're usually harder on ourselves than others are on us. I am constantly seeing or hearing people judging people. It tires me. This example is lightly tied to the subject but it will show relevance. I know a young man who is on the verge of divorce because his current wife found out about something he did with a girl before they met. Now how you retro anger and judgement back to a time before you were in this guys life? I don't get it, what right does this person have to be mad over something pre-her? I've heard statements made like "she's too good for you" or " there not good enough for you". How do these people know who is good for who? Don't get me wrong, I know to a certain degree we all judge in some way. I am guilty of lesser crimes, to be honest-I hate stupid people. Sorry, can't help it- that's just me. All I am saying is consider a persons heart and what they have been and/or are going through and then apply the situation to your life, Now how would you look? Think before you speak---JUDGE YOU!
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Ahhhh, sweet release........

2008-07-23T10:59:00.002-05:00

I don't have a lot to say today, I've been really busy lately and I am way behind on my blogging. I am feeling pretty good because I finally got the release I needed; the goodbye I never received, the closure I needed to understand. Although at the time some things were said that confused me I now have a clarity that was far from my grasp before. I still don't know why things ended up the way they did but choices were made and now we live with the consequences. Will I ever forget? No. Will I still be reminded? Yes. Will the love remain within me? Yes. Will I live in yesterday wanting what was? No, I am moving forward. There is so much in life for me to enjoy and experience. I am thankful for all that was brought into my life, for the things I had never felt, and never experienced. I know now how good it can be and I want to have it again soon. I am hopeful for the future for the past is just that--the past. You have to know where you've been before you can know where you are going. I am going into tomorrow smiling. To YOU, thank you and good luck. I hope life brings you what you desire the most. To ME, (smiling) ahhh, sweet release!!!!!!
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Life and love

2008-07-17T07:22:00.003-05:00

Is it me or does life and love just seem too freakin' complicated sometimes? Why does one have to get hurt for another to be happy? Why does,,,you know what, a light bulb just came on-I'll tell you why; because so many people go through life so haphazardly not knowing what they want that they settle for something less than what will truly make them happy so when they do figure out where happiness lies they are already bound to something or someone else. So I guess the question should be, why do people settle for less than what will make them truly happy? I know people make mistakes but we aren't bound by too many laws, this isn't the "old testament", this is the "grace dispensation". I was in a bad marriage for 14 years because I made a mistake at age 19 and I stayed in it so long because I was told "that's the right thing to do", "the bible says that's what you have to do". Hello? So now I'm bound by the laws even though I'm saved by grace? I thought forgiveness erased mistakes? So I should be miserable the rest of my life because in my youth I screwed up? It took me a long time to realize God is bigger than all of the ignorant, uneducated, bible twisting, narrow minded "elders" in the world and his GRACE is sufficient!! So I messed up, got married for the wrong reason or in this case too young, does that mean I should stay out of mere obligation? If I get a divorce will God never forgive me (here is where you hear-"you'll always be living in adultery by marrying someone else"); oh yeah? I thought God forgave my sins? So which is it, does law bind me or grace forgive me? People need to quit gagging on the gnats and crapping dung of camel. I have been divorced 2 1/2 years now and I still don't feel that God has removed any of his calling on my life. He said the gifts of God are given without repentance, meaning he still expects me to do what he called me to do because he doesn't regret calling me to do it. Based on that I have to say God is right-your wrong, get over it and let God worry about judging people. You probably struggle to keep your own life in decent order so what makes you think you can manage mine or anyone Else's? Life is hard enough on our own, we can't let outsiders try to micromanage us. Love is difficult sometimes but can anyone tell you what you feel or what is right for your life or what will make you happy? No, we cannot live for other people or we will one day wake up and find ourselves in utter misery and we will feel to old and afraid to change by then. Today I choose to be Happy! You do what you will but don't be surprised to find one day that the people you tried to make happy are no longer around. Live~ Laugh~ Love
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Silence

2008-07-16T10:27:00.002-05:00

Silence is a funny thing, it comes in many forms and variations yet it is still the same. One who has a migraine finds silence as medication. For someone who may be totally stressed the silence can be relaxing. We put our kids in time out for punishment-silence. When a friend is hurting we sit in silence with them for comfort, supportive silence. Sometimes we take a moment of silence for prayer. Silence can bring peace, silence can bring fear. Silence can bring memories back to thought. For a grandparent after the holiday silence brings sadness when the family leaves. For a spouse who has lost their life partner silence causes pain to reverberate in the heart. When a full house, a home full of love suddenly becomes empty the silence is deafening. Silence soothes, silence hurts, silence....silence. Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

The world awaits....

2008-07-15T07:21:00.002-05:00

Yep, you guessed it. I am still crunching the numbers, planning, & working out the details of taking an indefinite vacation to travel. It isn't that complicated really and there isn't as much risk involved as one might think. Yes I would technically be stepping out of my career temporarily but by the same token I plan on pursuing other interest while travelling. The safety net is as simple as keeping an escape route open to come home whenever needed. Then it's just a matter of re-entering the work force. You thought it was WAY more complicated didn't you? Well it's not. Life rarely is as complicated as we like to make it in our minds. Sometimes it' s just a matter of stepping outside the box. Getting out of your comfort zone. The plans are becoming clearer now it's just a matter of making it happen. I'll let you know when there is more. Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

The Easy Road..

2008-07-14T07:21:00.010-05:00

We've all heard that the shortest distance between to points is a straight line but does that mean it is the best route to take? Could it be that the long route is the most fulfilling? We all take the path of least resistance but is that always the wisest choice? What about taking the easy route, the easy way out, is it the best route? What if the harder route brings you what you really desire, what makes you truly happy?
The bible refers to a broad path and a narrow path, in the biblical scenario the narrow path, or the path less travelled is the one that leads to paradise, Heaven, fulfillment, Happiness.
It is true that there are fewer footsteps to follow on the narrow path, after all, it is the harder one so people choose not to take it. You won't find much help along the way again because no one will be on that path. It will probably be a lonely journey but it will be worth it if you keep your destination in view. I choose the hard path, the lonely path; I do not fear change and I welcome the challenge. I've fallen down, I've bled from the scrapes but bruises heal, cuts mend. I have made the hurt and loneliness my friend on this path before. Still, I choose this path because its rewards are great; success and accomplishment feels good. It builds self worth, confidence and strengthens you for the next journey.
Life is filled with crossroads, the path isn't always easy but don't choose the easy route or settle for less than what you desire from fear of the unknown. If you want to find me search on the narrow path, I won't be with the crowd that are faint of heart. You won't find me on the easy road. Until then...
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Smoke and Mirrors

2008-07-12T20:10:00.007-05:00

What if half of the things we deal with in life aren't really what they seem? What if the lessons we've learned were wrong? What if half of what we were taught is a fallacy? Who's to say what is right and what is wrong? What if we are bound in our mind only by the limits we are taught? What if we stepped outside of those boundaries and try the impossible? What if we forgot about limitations, would there still be some? What if we only think we are happy because of a false perception of what happiness is? What if the love that I feel for someone isn't really real? What if Chill bumps really aren't caused by anything more than a nervous reaction? What if sex doesn't really feel good, it just seems like it in our mind? What if emotions don't exist and are just an extension of our thoughts? What if our fears are nothing more than built up thoughts and what we fear really won't hurt us? What if everyone we meet is a potential soul mate? What if soul mates don't exist? What if beauty is only in our mind? What if we really all look the same? What if red was really blue but we've been taught otherwise? What if there is no Heaven or Hell? What if there is no God? What if we are just Gods flea circus and we will all perish when he's done playing with us? What if there are many Gods, why else would he be a jealous God? Why does God send people to Hell just because of where they are born or who their ancestors are? What if the devil doesn't exist, is it that hard to believe those evil thoughts are just your own? What if chicken taste' like steak? What if water isn't really wet? What if a cow is really a camel? What if you really aren't reading this? What if it's all just one long dream? What if it's all just smoke and mirrors? What if??
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

I wish...and I just might!

2008-07-11T10:49:00.002-05:00

Do you ever get tired of the same ole daily grind? Wake up, eat, go to work, eat, work some more, go home, eat, work around the house (insert your repetitions here), go to bed. Wake up, eat....blah blah blah. Why does life have to be so blah? It's all screwed up if you ask me,I know- you didn't. You get to enjoy a brief moment in life in your youth while being educated and then it's off to work, you work 40+ years and then when you are too old or God forbid too feeble to enjoy life you finally get a chance to. What's wrong with this picture? I want to enjoy all I can now, screw retirement, I'll go till I die. When that time comes I don't want to make it to the grave all nice and pretty, I want to skid in all beat up and battered screaming 'woo hoo, what a ride" and know that I enjoyed every minute of it. I'm going skydiving on the 26th of this month, from there I don't know whats next-maybe bull riding. I would like to ride my Harley to Mexico and/or Canada. I want to see all the world has to offer, I may have to start domestically going from state to state. I am seriously contemplating selling everything I have and just travel for awhile. It would be a good time to devote to writing a book. No, I am not having a mid-life crisis nor am I running from anything. I just think I would rather blow my retirement now when I can enjoy it and then just die gracefully...and happy! I have always been a free spirit but I have managed to keep myself structured doing "what we are programed to do". Now, I thinks it's time to live. I'll keep you posted.
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Along the same vein...

2008-07-10T07:27:00.007-05:00

I think I'll continue a bit along the same vein as yesterday but at a different angle. So through all of this breaking up stuff I chose to be noble, maintain my character, integrity and dignity. By that I mean I didn't go pounding on her door begging and pleading, don't get me wrong-that is exactly what I wanted to do because I felt our love was definitely worth fighting for but because of circumstance I chose the high road. So here is my thought: is there such a thing as nobility anymore? Maybe it passed on with the age of the sword,with the Kings and Queens. Maybe we are all now just peasants. So then what did/does it profit me to be noble? No one else noticed or cares. It didn't do one thing to benefit me. Would it have made a difference had I laid it all on the line, begged, pleaded and cried? Would all the songs or poems of heartbreak mattered had they been laid at her door opposed to remaining in my heart? Would I have changed as a person by crawling through utter humility? Would that make me ignominious or just ignoble? What would change? What matters? Does any one care?
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Progress - Digress

2008-07-09T07:24:00.004-05:00

Here I go opening my heart up for the world to look in, sometimes I question my sanity. Here's the story, I was doing so well with my recent heartbreak (so I thought) until I "ran into her" over the weekend. It was getting easier everyday dealing with the loss, the emptiness inside. But then like a dam had broken the emotions flooded back in renewing the hurt all over again. I thought I was over the loneliness of waking up without her by my side, walking in to an empty house, hoping her car is in the driveway each time I come home, hoping it's her every time the phone rings or each time I check the answering machine. Hoping to see her name in every email opened. Everywhere I look I see reminders of her, of us. Songs play on the radio sometimes in succession as if just to haunt me. The bad thing is I had come to terms with being rejected but I asked if she made the right choice in leaving and got an "I don't know" answer which only fueled the hope of her coming back, now I have to start the process all over again. I know she is not coming back, my heart knows that, at least not soon-If I know her it'll take a few years to figure out she screwed up. It's the process of starting over-moving on I guess that is so hard. I think what hurts the most is thinking she really doesn't know how much I love her, I think somehow because she never had it before that in her mind it became unbelievable. It wasn't from lack of telling or showing her, I do know that. I know you're thinking "oh it'll get better" or "you'll forget about her and move on" so let me tell you,I don't need to hear your empty advice. The love I have will never die, yes it will go to some secret place in my heart so I can move on but it will always remain just below the surface, hiding behind every smile. After all, I can't show the toll it is taking- my heart breaking. Well, that's off my chest. It only took a few short hours with her to make my progress-digress. Until next time. Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Nostalgia

2008-07-08T07:21:00.002-05:00

I have a thought but I am pressed for time so I will try to skip through this quickly and I hope not too much is lost in the process. I've had a lot of thoughts lately about nostalgia and how it affects us emotionally. Nostalgia by definition is 1)A state of being homesick. 2)a wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition; also : something that evokes nostalgia. Have you ever heard a song that took you back to a particular place in time like high school or a summer day in your youth? There are scientific studies that link not only sights and sounds to memory but smell and taste as well. I can tell you from experience that I have caught the fragrance of a woman's perfume on the air and actually looked around for the person that memory brought to mind. Not long ago I had a friend (and now that I think about it I can recall a few more) who "bumped" into a childhood crush that extended into adulthood but the two never dated. After some extensive conversations they found out they both had the long crushes for each other. I have heard this story many times and I've wondered how emotions from years past can turn into a sense of "love" now. I have felt nostalgia myself but it has never led to a relationship. I'll admit, I like the feeling you get as much as anyone when a moment taken from my past refreshes in an emotion today. I would like to focus on one certain aspect of the definition because I think we all understand the others rather well; "Irrecoverable condition"...did that stand out in your mind like it did in mine? To me that is pretty plain it says: nostalgia is a remembrance of a certain time or place that cannot be had again-irrecoverable. Hmmm, then it is just a memory? But why do the emotions feel so real? Because the memory is tied to real emotions that you had originally. How many times have you seen people get together with an old high school flame just to see it fizzle out a short time later? Too many people get caught up in the past. This subject is much bigger than I anticipated so I'll make my point and end-gotta get some real work done. Again, too many people get caught up in the past, what once was. The problem is that life changes, people change, circumstances change, etc,. If I were to offer any advice on the subject it would be this, nostalgia has an expiration date, it may remain on the shelf indefinitely but once the box has been opened and the contents thoroughly covered then it will expire. If you ever encounter the opportunity to "live in the past-today" keep in mind that love has to be built on a foundation of trust, with bricks of honor, walls painted of cherish, decorated with romance and intimacy; these are the things that fill a home with love. Love cannot survive on memories, history, or practicability. Only the test of time will prove if it is really love so I wouldn't make any snap judgement to run off and get married to soon unless you enjoy going through divorces. Take your time, let love flourish and grow like it needs to. Gotta run, until next time. Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

What a difference a year makes.

2008-07-07T06:11:00.003-05:00

Well it's Monday morning and I am extremely tired, I just didn't get much rest over the weekend. I went to West Virginia to spend time with a friend and we visited other friends. Then I went to his Family Reunion which was nice because I got to see some people that I hadn't seen in years-some as many as 20 years. I recently saw a picture of my third grade "graduating" class and this weekend had the opportunity to take a picture with my best friend and another childhood friend that I hadn't seen in 16 years. We went through school together from kinder garden through high school graduation so it was nice to reminisce. The thought occurred to me on the drive back to Tennessee the changes that take place as time slips away from us. When seeing people on a regular basis the changes are far less noticeable but stretch that out 5 years, 10 years or even 20 years and it is quite thought provoking. Time seems to get away faster and faster every day, every month, and every year.

This time last year the aforementioned friend and I were still feeling the jet lag from a trip to Israel, my devotion was to my college work, my job was secure and I had a happy go lucky attitude toward personal relationships. Now? I haven't taken a vacation this year, my interest in college work has drop to "whatever" mode, my job is shaky and I am still feeling the dull pain from losing the love of my life. What a difference a year makes. I'll add pics later of thrid grade and now. Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Fist to the wind

2008-07-04T15:10:00.003-05:00

Finally got to get back out on the Harley and I must say things never looked better. My eyes are getting better everyday from my recent Lasik surgery; everything is so crisp and clear. I wish sometimes I could attach a camera to my helmet and record every view that I see while out on my motorcycle, I love it. From the many waterways, creeks, rivers, and lakes to the great smokey mountains, the twists and turns through vast farmlands; the peace and serenity is awesome. I also wish I could record the thoughts in my head when I ride. Riding is so freeing!! Most of all I wish I had "the one" whom I could share every experience with. Anyway, just stopped in for a short rest and then off again for more holiday excitement. Until next time, keep your helmet tight, your heels to the past and your fist to the wind.
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Let Freedom Ring

2008-07-03T07:28:00.009-05:00

Good morning. As we approach the anniversary of this great country's independence I can't help but think of all who have given their all for our freedom.
I've read that no greater love hath a man that would lay down his life for a friend; so how much did the men love this country and the dream of freedom that they would give the ultimate sacrifice for it, for you, for me? And the men & women who today continue to put their life on the line so that we can enjoy the freedoms that we do on a daily basis?
Regardless of how you feel about the war and the many scattered troops across the world I would hope that you haven't forgotten the price that has been paid for you to have the freedom to protest, the freedom to gripe and complain about everything you disagree with. Yes this freedom that so many take advantage of comes at a great price. The price of our sons and daughters over many generations.

So when you celebrate the 4th, however you see fit, take a moment to ponder what independence really means, think of the price paid for you to have it. May you have a very safe and fun Independence Day. Let Freedom Ring!
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Midlife Crisis???

2008-07-02T06:45:00.003-05:00

The question has arisen, what is a midlife crisis? So I guess you have to know what it is before you can know if you are in it. Now I haven't had a lot of time to contemplate this since the question was just presented about an hour ago but here are some quick findings. According to a leader in the research of male menopause Jed Diamond, 52% of men between 40 and 70 in the U.S. are now going through male menopause. Men experience complex hormonal rhythms’ that affect their mood, their physical well-being and their sexuality. Emotional symptoms include irritability, worry, indecisiveness and depression. Physical symptoms include fatigue, weight gain, short-term memory loss and sleep disturbance. Sexual symptoms include reduced libido, fear of sexual failure and an increased desire to "prove" he can still perform by seeking a younger partner. The following are the top ten warning signs of male menopause:
1. Taking longer to recover from injuries or illness
2. Nervousness and irritability
3. Decrease or loss of sexual enjoyment
4. Feeling time is running out
5. Decreased memory and concentration
6. Increased anxiety or fear
7. Feeling fat, gaining weight
8. Sleep disturbances
9. Indecisiveness
10. Loss of interest and self-confidence

The following are the top ten life changes associated with male menopause:
1. Hormone-production levels are dropping
2. Sexual vigor is diminishing
3. Physical stamina and strength are decreasing
4. Children are leaving
5. Parents are dying
6. Job horizons are narrowing
7. Marriages (Sometimes 2ND and 3rd) are breaking up
8. Friends are getting sick
9. Hopes are being lost
10. Dreams are left unsatisfied
Copyright © 1998 by Jed Diamond

Yes, I know, that is a lot to chew on. It is said that male menopause is similar to male puberty, the right of passage from one dimension of life to another. It can occur as young as 35 and as late as 65 according to studies. My question is,do you need to have all or just some of the warning signs to be considered going through male menopause? Many of these signs can come in part for many different reasons in a mans life. Based on that thought process alone I would say that you need to be experiencing a large majority of the signs to consider yourself in or beginning male menopause. It is a funny thing that anytime you decide to change something, buy a new car, buy a motorcycle, change your hair color, start dressing differently, or any number of things that this question arises, "Are you going through a midlife crisis"? I have been asked this a few times myself, mostly out of jest but still asked none the less. For one thing I find that people are just afraid of change. They don't like change in their life so if you change something in yours is raises a flag in their mind. What's wrong with stepping outside the box occasionally for either the fun of it, the attention or just simply to try something different? Does this mean you are losing touch of who you are or just trying to discover new aspects of who you are? There is much to be considered when determining if you are in a midlife crisis, what are the motives for changes? If things fall in line with the above scenario from Jed Diamonds research than maybe you should consider delving deeper into the matter and possibly seek help getting through it. If you are just discovering another dimension of your own personality than don't let people convince you that you are "ill". Yes menopause is considered an illness be it male or female because physiological changes are normally taking place within ones body therefore needing possible medical attention. Depression can be a destructive force if not dealt with properly. I do not believe that everything can be treated with a pill, I am in no way suggesting that. Sometimes a mere soul searching, answer seeking, spiritual awakening is what needs be prescribed. So do I think you are going through a midlife crisis? I don't know, only you can answer that. I know that whatever the conclusion my advice to you is the same as to all-find what makes you happy and do it! Change need not be feared, judgement should not be controlled by pride. In the end, you are the only one who needs answer for the decisions you make. As for me, I choose happiness and this I will continue to seek fully and in truth.
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Good Tuesday Morning...

2008-07-01T10:20:00.002-05:00

Not a lot has changed since yesterday, just glad to have another opportunity at this thing we call "life". Life, a wonderfully beautiful gift that is taken for granted way too often. Nothing really to say, just happy to be alive, healthy, working, breathing, walking, talking, typing, wealthy and wise (yeah, that one's for me). Enjoy all that you can out of this day, it could be your last. Live-Laugh-Love
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Waiting on the tremors....

2008-06-30T07:36:00.003-05:00

The workplace has been shaken and much has been rearranged. 1000 laid off permanently (20 at my site), Thousands more are on a 30 day furlough. Many management jobs were eliminated but the people in those positions were demoted to other positions opposed to being let go, my manager was demoted to the position I was supposed to be promoted to. As for me, I won't know until my manager returns from vacation next week, I have heard that I will remain in my lower management position but I still get the "whiff" of something changing. Thankfully God has molded me similar to the chameleon, change comes easy and relatively stress free so I'm putting my feelers out for other jobs and making plans for a fall back option. As with any earthquake there will be after-shocks, so I'm just waiting on the tremors.
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Pins & Needles

2008-06-26T06:10:00.004-05:00

Somber news this morning on the work front, 1000 employees will be laid off above and beyond the 30 day furlough throughout the company. It cuts all the way up into corporate jobs. People will be finding out throughout the day if they will have a job in the morning so naturally everyone here is on pins and needles.
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Another day in paradise..

2008-06-25T07:30:00.002-05:00

I'll tell you, sometimes the daily grind gets rough, Hmm, maybe that's why it's called "grind". It seems there is always more and more to do, more that is expected and not enough time to do it all in. I don't care how you cut it, stack it or lay it out -24 hours is still only 24 hours. I do what I can and the rest will be there tomorrow. Moving on, I am excited about having Lasik surgery on Friday...woo hoo no more glasses or contacts to bother with. I have wanted to do this for a long while but always had more important things to do with my money. Sounds odd, what could be more important than your eyesight? Well, when I was married I wouldn't spend like this for myself. The "nest" was more important than me. But now that it's just me I'll splurge, it's just money right? Oh well, gotta run. Hope you are having a wonderful day (and one that is less demanding than mine). Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Recipe for Love (another excerpt)

2008-06-23T23:02:00.002-05:00

I have come to the conclusion that some people just do not know how to love. I write this with the fellow man in mind however I know that many women have the same problem of being affectionate and expressing how they feel. This should be a natural emotion but somewhere along the lines of our mixed up lives we have lost the natural and we have complicated things. Yes I know, there is a huge discussion right here just with the whys and the walls. I will stay true to my original thought process and give my feelings on how one should treat another. The chief cornerstone of my belief system of love is to always put each other first, no matter what- make every attempt to make your partners happiness first and foremost. Imagine the possibilities if both you and your partner are doing this. The reciprocation bleeds into every decision each of you make fulfilling every want, need and desire that either of you could ever have. Build your relationship on trust, there is no room for lying anywhere in a relationship. A hidden lie can become cancerous and will eventually kill the relationship. Like a ghost it will linger in the shadows. Look into your lovers eyes, what do you see? They say the eyes are the window to the soul. Have you ever seen forever, eternal love in the eyes of the one you hold? Cherish your partner, tell them how much you love them and how much meaning they bring to your life. Have you ever just watched the one you love sleep, soaking in the innocence and beauty they reflect? Or seeing their first morning smile when they wake and find you watching? I think too often people are afraid to speak what is on their mind. Tell them your every thought; share your desires, dreams and emotions. If you see beauty without the make-up and the morning hair, tell them. Compliments that truly come from the heart will always put a smile on their face even though they disagree with what you see. Gearing this in the direction for men let me say this; men always question “what do women want”? Well, here’s your answer…They don’t know. Every woman is different with different wants, desires, dreams, insecurities, ideas, perceptions and preconceived notions. It is up to you to discover what the woman you are with wants. Start with affection, hold her hand, hug her, kiss her and snuggle with her. You don’t need a reason for any of these. Buy her flowers for no reason at all just to say I love you. Call her from work and let her know you’re thinking about her. Write her a poem, it does not have to be poetic and well versed, just make it heart felt. Take an evening walk with her, hand in hand enjoying the alone time together. This is where the bonds grow stronger, through the alone time. Give her the attention she deserves, and desires. Most women complain about men not paying attention to them so make the extra effort. You know you need her so why do you not let her know how much? Offer to help cook, she may not let you but she will respond to the gesture. Help her clean the house or do the laundry so you can go out and play together, she works just as hard as you do. Equality is the answer; the relationship has to be 50/50 (although each has to offer 100/100). I get so tired of hearing guys complain about women withholding sex and the women saying “that is all he thinks about.” I have never been told no. You want sex anytime? Here’s the secret, it all about foreplay. Oh, did that get your attention? You like foreplay huh? Well now that I have your attention it’s time to bust your bubble. I did not mean the sexual act I meant everything I have already mentioned above. All of these little things that each of you do for each other is foreplay and it makes the desire for each other even stronger. If you are looking for a sex filled weekend the foreplay starts on Monday. It is a constant day to day effort. All of these things working together will make you so in tune with one another you won’t have to ask for sex, it will be spontaneous; you will also know without asking when tonight is not the night. This is what it is like for “two to become one”, so many do not know what this is like. Be each others everything and watch love flourish; watch your sex life get better. Once you realize the order of life it all begins to make sense and flow better. God first and foremost, Love (family), work (bills). That’s it, easy enough? I think so. You would be surprised how little effort it takes in being happy; you just need both to be willing partners. Until next time Live-Laugh- Love. Keeponkeepin’on

…D..

LOVE's Recipe

2008-06-22T20:12:00.002-05:00

Once again I want to write about LOVE. Love really is the center of our life, everyone’s life whether they want to admit it or not. There is always the need for it, the need to give it or the rejoicing in having it- Love is the center. There are so many avenues that can be taken with this discussion but I want to stay with the main idea of love and where it fits into a relationship. I could write a book on this subject with each “rule” having its own chapter but I will keep it as brief as I possibly can. There are so many people that just don’t know how to love, well, here’s the recipe. Many may follow it in part but for every failed relationship you’ll find that it wasn’t followed in whole by the letter. I challenge you as you read it to see where you come up short, see what area(s) you need to work on. Then I want you to see where your significant other falls short. With out being judgmental sit down and go over it together and decide to make your relationship the very best that it can be. The first information I want to go over you have probably read and/or seen many times throughout your life even if you didn’t know where it originated. These are the words inspired by God to be written in the Bible. First, the King James Version followed by the Message translation:

1 Corinthians 13:3-8
And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing.

1 Corinthians 13:3-8
If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don’t love, I’ve gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I’m bankrupt without love

1. Charity suffereth long ~ Love never gives up
2. Charity is kind ~ Love cares more for others than for self
3. Charity envieth not ~ Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have
4. Charity vaunteth not itself ~ Love doesn’t strut
5. Charity is not puffed up ~ Love doesn’t have a swelled head
6. Charity doth not behave itself unseemly ~ Love doesn’t force itself on others
7. Charity seeketh not her own ~ Love isn’t always “me first”
8. Charity is not easily provoked ~ Love doesn’t fly off the handle
9. Charity thinketh no evil ~ Love doesn’t keep score of the sins of others
10. Charity rejoiceth not in iniquity ~ Love doesn’t revel when others grovel
11. Charity rejoices in the truth ~ Love takes pleasure in the flowering of truth
12. Charity beareth all things ~ Love puts up with anything
13. Charity believes all things ~ Love trusts God always
14. Charity hopes all things ~ Love always looks for the best
15. Charity endures all things ~ Love never looks back
16. Charity never faileth ~ Love keeps on going to the end

Wow! How many things slapped you in the face? I know we aren’t perfect but Love is. It is that conscious decision that you make each and every time a situation arises, how you choose to handle it. Too many people want to give up, throw in the towel way too soon or too easily. Rule number one: never give up. If you truly love this person then why would you want to lose them? It doesn’t matter what has been said or done, love doesn’t give up-period. If you feel you’ve been hurt beyond repair try showing them forgiveness and love them anyway. Love never runs out of opportunities to try. Rule number two: put them first. Always in every situation put them first. Yes I know that’s hard to do sometimes because of your own wants but who’s happiness do you care about the most? Rule number three: do not compare your relationship to someone else’s, “If you loved me like he loves her” or “if we had what they have”. Be content with who you are and what you have. The same goes for your significant other, you cannot change people but rather you need to love them for who they are. Appreciate all of the idiosyncrasies that make them who they are, you may not be perfect in their eyes either because we are all individuals with our own little quirks. Love ALL of them. Rule number four: Don’t go rubbing it in others faces how great your relationship is when theirs may be less than desired. On the personal level, if you happen to “win” an argument take the win with grace, show some love and don’t throw out the “I told you so”. Rule number five: don’t let your ego swell. Never think that you are better than someone else. Remember, you are both equals fighting for a common goal and that is to make each others life the most complete and happiest life possible. Rule number six: don’t be pushy. Remember, you’re a team and all things need to be talked about and agreed upon. Nothing should be forced on someone regardless of what it is, and I could give numerous examples here but I think you get the idea. Rule number seven: me, me, me doesn’t cut it. Remember, if you want, want, want then you have to give, give, and give. Always put them first. Rule number eight: Be patient, we’re going make each other mad, we’ll do things that irritate the crap out of each other but step back, think before you speak, put yourself in their position and then discuss the issue. Don’t blow up and start saying things just to be hurtful in retaliation. Once you let something go, once it’s said then it’s out there and cannot be taken back. All the “I’m sorrys” in the world can’t heal a wound. It will scar over and will always be there. Stop and think. Rule number nine: It doesn’t matter who is wrong all the time. It doesn’t matter if you feel like you are constantly giving and getting nothing in return. It doesn’t matter how much they hurt you. Keep giving and showing them how much you love them. Forgive then forget. Make them your “everything”. Rule number ten: If they ask your forgiveness give it lovingly. Do not be proud in your being right and them being wrong. Rule number eleven: Always be honest with one another. Trust is the foundation on which love is built. Even when the truth may hurt, be honest. Lies only make more lies, one to cover another. They eventually do greater damage than what the truth would have done. Rule number twelve: we all make mistakes, you do and your partner will too. Accept them for who they are, forgive them for what they do and love them through it all. Nothing matters more than the love you both share. Rule number thirteen: Never lose trust in God or the love he gave you. Even when things aren’t going the way you think they should….believe. Rule number fourteen: look past the imperfections and look for the good. Focus on the things that you initially fell in love with, water the hopes and grow together in love. Rule number fifteen: Leave the past in the past. Again, forgive and forget. If the past was worth keeping you would have kept it your future. Rule number sixteen: never give up. Sounds a lot like rule number one doesn’t it? True love will never walk away but it will fight until there is no life left to fight. Love will endure all things if with it you remain humble and are willing to forgive. This is the recipe for true love and happiness in every relationship. It is one that must be carried and practiced by both partners. One sided love will remain crippled and it will limp through life never really being whole and living up to its full potential. I hope you have noticed the common thread to all of the rules. Trust, forgive, forget, accept, be patient, and put each other first in all things. If each of you is putting each other first then you will both be fulfilling each others dreams, wants, and desires. It is a full circle of reciprocation. If I want it I must give it. If I put them first they will return the favor and put me first. It is a constant compromise of giving just for the pleasure of making each other happy. Until next time, Live – Love – Laugh. Keeponkeepin’on

…D..

SO much!

2008-06-19T07:47:00.004-05:00

I have so much I want to write about but time never affords me the opportunity. I want to write about being peoples "safe place" and how even though sometimes the burdens get heavy I am thankful to be able to help someone along the way. I don't know what gift this falls directly under but I do know that along with it God has given me the gift of discernment, I wonder if they must go hand in hand? I find it ironic that people tend to judge me, incorrectly most of the time; because of my confidence-I am "cocky", because of my strong will- I am "arrogant or to forward", because of my assurance-I am a "know it all". Yet with all of these judgements people have sought me out my whole life for advice, for a safe place. The someone they can trust and depend on in there time of need. The contrast has always left me a bit bewildered. It is a great feeling knowing that you may have helped someone, that you contributed good to their life, possibly changing the course of their life somehow. I have a good friend that has confided in me & I in him many times throughout our lives. Now, again, it is my turn to be there for him in his time of need. He is definitely under attack by the adversary, I hope I can provide enough support. I have an employee that is going through a major trial and each morning he comes in my office either searching for answers or just to lay down his load for awhile. Last night he preached the word of God again after walking away some years back. It still amazes me how the God always has the words for me to give. Even in situations I myself have not dealt with the answers are there-glory to God for I in myself am nothing. There is just so much...People hate when I get the "deer in the headlight" look which typically is evident by my lip biting. They ask what I am thinking or concentrating so hard about and of course I can't spill the thoughts that are coursing through my head as usually I am just processing and duly filing away someones information in the safe. Other times I am contemplating someones burden, what will I say at our next meeting, what new information will I have to offer? Just listening to someone is not truly carrying their burden, it goes much deeper than that. I have no real direction here I am just rambling. I know I may never be anything great in this life but I hope someone at my funeral one day can say what a blessing I was or how I helped them. This is my hope of legacy: "Here lies a man who gave and loved selflessly to all who's life he touched". Help me Lord to touch those within your reach and out of mine, continue to lead me, teach me and grow me in your ways. Fill me with your wisdom and knowledge-help me help others. Amen
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Standing still

2008-06-18T10:59:00.003-05:00

I am still unsettled inside with the whole "change" feelings. I hope soon a door opens that leads me to the place I need to be. A few months ago I would have bought into the theory of me trying to run from my troubles (the bad relationship deal) but now I know something else is brewing. I'm not a runner, I typically face things head on--maybe I like the fight to much to run. All I know for sure is this gets quite frustrating not knowing. If you know me than you know I analyze everything--thoroughly!! Some would say too much at times but after analyzing that statement I realize they are mistaken...lol. Seriously though, if God has something in store for me then do me a favor and ask him to reveal it. I am very comfortable where I am, my house, my job, the future. etc,. I have seen a few things unfold recently that seem like direction but I am not 100% sure so I tread lightly. You can see why this being "led to change" business is keeping me on edge. I know I can't just ignore it, that will only make it fester. I can't force anything because I'll just mess things up. I guess my only option is standing still.....
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Crossroads

2008-06-17T22:12:00.007-05:00

Do you ever notice how when life seems to be the most difficult there always seems to be more crossroads? Life is a journey filled with forks in the road, constant decisions, unending choices. There have been times, difficult times, when the crossroads were limited-it was either one way or the other but most of the time it seems there are more choices than maybe we can even see.
When thinking about life's choices I get a mental picture of a vein and how it just continues to branch off one and then another and on and on and on. So many routes to so many destinations that lead to so many endings. Unlike a vein though I have to believe that the crossroads sometimes lead to another path, this path I would like to refer to as second chances. Maybe you were on a particular path and made the wrong choice, we're human-we make mistakes, I have to believe that these intersecting crossroads lead back to the place we need to be or should have been before the bad choice, a second chance. We need to keep in mind, the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.
So how many straight lines do you see in a vein? I said that to say this, if you made a wrong choice keep in mind that it may take awhile to get back to where you need to be. Your alternate route or detour if you will is never as short as the original route. Experience tells me it is a slower, longer route but it eventually does get us back to where we were going--providing we don't make another wrong decision. Crap!, another crossroad, another bad choice....on the long route again. Yes I, as you, get frustrated not knowing where I am going sometimes, the lost feeling. Sometimes it pays us to stand still, take a deep breath-take another look at the map. Oh, that's right- life didn't come with a map or directions..no wonder I keep making questionable turns. Life-crossroads, so many choices-so few choices. Rough terrain, rocky soil, loose rocks, cliff edges, rain, wind, storms, mountains, deserts, valleys, cross road after crossroad. It is a vicious cycle and none are exempt. We all have our own journey, do you know your destination?

Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Change...

2008-06-17T07:30:00.002-05:00

As you may or may not know I have been feeling "change" for the last few months and I haven't been able to define where it was coming from or why the feelings, why I feel led for change. In my career things are lined up for promotion, large salaries and forward advancement so why do I keep feeling led to change? Things look good on the employment front even considering the news that was given yesterday morning. The manufacturing plants will be taking a furlough nationwide, just temporarily. I am in customer service so technically this will not affect my job, growth promises remain as our division continues to grow. This would go in line with me leading to change I suppose. God definitely knows more than I about the future so I really need to open my eyes and ears to Gods guidance. The last thing I want is to do something and make the wrong decision within myself and miss God, it's easier than not -missing God. I think for now I'll stand still and watch....
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Some me time

2008-06-16T11:35:00.002-05:00

So I'm a little behind on my blogging, it's OK because I've been taking some me time. Saturday was a looong day. It started at 6:30 getting up and going to an eye doctors appointment for Lasik pre-op. I was there for a few hours going through test after test, everything looks good-surgery scheduled in less than two weeks. They dilated my eyes and they remained dilated ALL DAY. I went to a bluegrass festival just me-myself-and I, no cell phone to bug me-this is my time, just me and some music. Boy did I get plenty of bad messages & texts'-"Where are you? Are you alive? Answer your phone" blah blah blah. I sat under-roof in the dark most of the day since the light was murder on the dilated eyes, sunglasses had a minimal effect. So I got there at 12 and didn't leave until 9, long day. I heard some very good groups, one young man just out of high school that could make a guitar talk (envious) and I had the privilege of hearing a group I hadn't seen perform in a dozen years-The Isaacs. If you have never heard of them search them out, God has really blessed this family with talent. Good gospel music always stirs me, I guess because I buried my talents so long ago- I missed that boat more than once. People tell me it isn't too late- that I should still pursue the trade but it has been so long I wouldn't know where to begin, besides, I'm content singing to myself...lol. I had the pleasure of talking with them for a bit, the last time I had the privilege of talking with them was in the early to mid 90's. OK, confession time; When I spoke to Sonya a dozen years ago (back when her hair was dark, I like the blonde better...lol) I was married I'm pretty sure she was married at the time too and although I felt the butterflies then I kept it professional and talked about song writing and where to send them until a friend, Chuck Compton of the Compton's, came up and interrupted swapping Cd's...end of conversation. I will admit the butterflies were there again Saturday, weird I know. I can't remember any other time than these two when I felt nervous to talk to someone. I know that comes as quite a surprise if you know me and my confidence level-it caught me off guard as well. Nostalgia, no I don't think so- I just have a memory like an elephant, and it comes with clear images; cool, I know. Anyway, it was nice and they gave me a few Cd's so I'm catching up on their music. Long story short- it was a nice day with the exception of the migraine at the end due to the dilated eyes and excess amount of light. So if you wondered if I was alive, now you know...I was just taking some me time. Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Powerful Storms...

2008-06-12T10:43:00.005-05:00

I rode my Harley to work yesterday because the weatherman said there was only a 30% chance of rain, to me that says 70% sunshine,I like my odds. This time I rolled the dice and I lost. As timing would have it, it was beautiful right up until it was time to go home. The clouds rolled in, the lightning flashed and the thunder clapped. I thought I would be able to out run the storm based on the path of attack-wrong, I think it doubled back-I'm surrounded. So here I am, fighting to see through the driving rain, the sting of a thousand bees in my face. The wind is blowing pushing me from side to side "gotta keep it between the lines" I tell myself, the lightning is striking eerily close & the earth vibrates under the thunderous crash. I think to myself, "there is nowhere to seek shelter and there is nothing you can do but keep pressing on, God is the only one in control". I continue to push forward, refusing to pullover and wait out the storm. It was a difficult journey. Pulling into the garage my thought-"ah, home at last, my safe place".

How many times have the powerful storms of life raged around you making you feel completely helpless? It is in these times that we have to stay straight, ignore the pain, focus on the destination and keep it between the lines. Regardless of how strong the winds push you and the rains beat you~know that when there is no shelter that God is our refuge. When the lightning strikes making you fear for your life and the loud thunder shatters your courage leaving you feeling out of control~know that God is still in control. There is nothing more relieving than coming to the end of a long, difficult journey. It's great to know that anytime I need to I can run to the arms of the savior, my safe place.
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Frustration!

2008-06-11T07:26:00.004-05:00

OK, today I will rant a-bit myself. I am frustrated that my employees have no work ethic about them, granted I say "them" but I do not mean all as I do have some very good employees that care about their job. But the ones who are here just for a paycheck, always with their hand out at raise/evaluation time-but their performance is less than mediocre and could care less about the success of the business really get under my skin. I would like to fire them but the pickings are slim here in TN because as I have found in the 5 years I have lived here that the majority of Tennesseans have poor work ethic. I know that is bad to say but it is my observance. The best employees that I have and have ever had are all transplants from other states. It amazes me how people could care less about the success of the company they work for. Are they not smart enough to know that raises come from business growth and success? Do they not watch the news to see companies that are closing and/or downsizing almost on a daily basis? I try to push the "run it like it's yours" business tactic but they still don't get it, or don't care. They could care less about saving the company money by watching how they use supply consumables regardless of how often I remind them. Sometimes I feel like a babysitter, the sad part-I am the youngest body here! That's right, I have to babysit and listen to the constant whine of elder-adults. Does Cal-gon make a male formula or do I need to go to the ABC store for that, Crown Royal take me away.....lol.Until next time..keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Judgement & Forgiveness

2008-06-10T07:25:00.005-05:00

Another day, another chance, another gift from above. So what do we express today? I guess people are getting tired of my love and relationship blogs (this isn't my only blog spot) so what else? What will get you thinking, what will possibly move you, or free you? Isn't that the purpose, to grow and become better people on a daily basis? I challenge people to think but yet the words typically come back to me. How about judgement, can we think about that? Why is it that we are so quick to judge people? Is our self image so great that we think we do no wrong? When thinking about the woman at the well and Jesus writing in the sand I can't help but think of what he wrote. Was it their own sins that made the crowd realize their own guilt? Did their own guilt shatter their self image? I find it interesting how quickly people cast judgement on others when they have no idea what that person has really been through, standing on the outside looking in it is easy to cast judgement. You now the old adage, walk a mile in my shoes. Well, I ask, where is the love, the grace, the mercy that God gives you when you mess up, oh yeah, you mess up!? Why can't you give your brother or sister the same forgiveness? Why do so many people seem to take pleasure in seeing another fall? If we cannot forgive our faults of one another then God is not required to forgive us. Ouch, that stings huh? I don't mean lip service either, I am talking 100% I love you and forgive you like it never happened forgiveness. People say "I may have to forgive but I don't have to forget" YES YOU DO! God forgets your countless sins, did he not say he cast them as far as the east is from the west? That is the example we are to follow. Grow up, get off the milk and be the man or woman of God that you should be. Churches today are filled with too many people that are still sucking bottles from the word of God. They are starving to death and don't even know it. OK, I got a little side tracked. Search yourself and think of ones situation and how you would handle it and then proceed to forgive like God forgives you before casting judgement. Enough for now, feel free to agree or disagree. Until next time, keeponkeepin'on

...D..

A new week

2008-06-09T07:13:00.003-05:00

Here we are once again starting a new week, I enjoyed the rest I received in the latter half of yesterday, I need to follow Gods example more often. So what shall my goal be for this week? If it is a new week then I should have new opportunities to press toward my goals, right? Happiness is always at the top of the list, we need to stay happy. I am speaking generally of course because things come and go in our lives that may affect our temporary state. I know it's gonna be a busy week but nothing to demanding on the slate per say. I guess I'll just trudge along, sing and be happy and see what each day brings. I have my plans, my goals but I try to never get caught up in forcing the future. My life is a lot more stress free when I stay in the now. OK, back to work. Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

LOVE-Boundaries-Soul mates-Status

2008-06-07T13:07:00.005-05:00

Let's see, where do I start? So continuing on with my ongoing blogs on love and soul mates I want to write about Borders, boundaries, status (be it economical or otherwise), I think you see where I'm going here. So if Love knows no boundaries and is not bound by any laws, be it written or theoretical, then why do we try to control it? What do I mean? I'm glad you asked. Let me take you back to a fairytale where this young girl was poor without anything to call her own. The only family she had hated her-a wicked step mother and a couple sisters. Ah, you figured it out-yes, it is Cinderella. We all know the story well, she had nothing but was given a chance (<--Key point) by her fairy god mother to spiff up and head to the ball for an opportunity to meet prince charming. In this case it all worked out in the end but in today’s society does this ever happen? Does the Pretty Woman get her knight in shining armor? Unfortunately not too often. Why do we let so many things get in the way of falling in love? What does social status really have to do with love? What if you are rich and your soul mate hasn't been so lucky? What are you falling in love with, the person or the equality? Whether considered lucky or unlucky, God has allowed me to see people with the blinders off. I can stand in the company of anyone, regardless of how much money they have, or how successful they are and feel just as secure and confident in whom I am as if I were standing with the poorest beggar in the street. We are all just people. Yes, some are born in better circumstances, some have more money, some have much power-just people. We are all born with nothing and we all take nothing with us so why should equality be only at birth & death? I have stood and conversed with Millionaires, Singers, Nascar drivers, & corporate executives and it didn't feel any different talking to them as it does talking to a co-worker. I've been out with Doctors, Doctors-ex-wives, Lawyers ex-wives, successful business women, average women and women who couldn't support themselves-but guess what-all just people. Why do people get intimidated by money, or status? I don't get it. I had a conversation recently about how the people were going crazy and crying at the American Idol shows as these kids sang and the whole star struck thing just confuses me. How many passed these kids on the street a month before they made it big and wouldn't give them the time of day and now they fall at their feet, utterly confusing. In my mind I see the same person before and after stardom...just a person. So back to my thought; Why can't a Hollywood film star fall in love with a white collar worker? Love doesn't see status. Love doesn't see the financial statement. Love only sees the person. What if you are of higher status and your soul mate is just an average person, do you look over them because of status? If so you may never be happily in love. People need to see each other for what they are-just people. Suppose we both made a choice-yours made you wealthy and mine made me poor. Did that decision change the heart of either of us? It shouldn't, we should still be the same person. I can't help but have the urge to down grade myself just to make sure people like me for who I am...me. Note: not that I have anything to brag about, I am poor...lol.. Just a burger flipper at McDonalds. I don't know, I think I got lost in my own thoughts here. I guess the bottom line is- see people for who they really are and not what they have. Give somebody outside your status a chance, ah yes remember the key point? Without a chance people have exactly that- no chance. Cinderella would still be cleaning the basement of the castle had she not been given a chance. You may just be surprised at what you may discover. A true friend, a summer love or maybe your soul mate. Until next time. Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Back on top

2008-06-06T04:54:00.003-05:00

Ahh, finally...sleep. Laid down about 7 last night from utter exhaustion and slept all night until getting up for work at 4:20 this morning. I had more sleep (in hours) last night than I've had all week so I feel like a million bucks this morning....back on top of the world. Been fighting back from whatever feeling, thoughts or emotions were dragging me down and it feels good to be back on the up side. Anyway, no real thoughts this morning other than the fulfillment of much needed rest. Time to get to work, I want to write again today if time affords it so until then....

...D..

A New day

2008-06-04T07:31:00.004-05:00

OK, So I can't sleep and I have no clue why. My mind is unsettled and thoughts are all over the place. I'm tired! I've had enough. It's time to step back, regroup and push forward. Today is a new day, today I fight. It has been a long time since I have felt like this, it is way to close to depression and I refuse to go there. I spent many years of my life in that place and I WILL NOT GO BACK! I don't like it and there is nothing productive about that place. It drains the life out of you, black, dark, cold and silent...Today I climb out of the pit, tooth and toenail regardless of the opposition. I...WILL...NOT...BE...DEFEATED!!!!!!!!

A New Day......

...D..

Some Days..

2008-06-03T21:53:00.007-05:00

The sun is shining it reflects in me~ I hear the birds singing~ I feel the wind tickle every tiny

hair as it brushes by~ the scent of flowers on the air~ the beauty as the trees sway~The beautiful white clouds as they pass overhead~ I feel like I could fly~ so free, this day is perfect~ And some days- The rains come~the winds blow~ the storm is here~the floods rush in~the waters rise~I feel like I am drowning~I need air~ I need freed from the turbulence~ tumbling, beat, battered~ I feel so alone...

These are the days I hate, no warning, they just happen. So many questions haunt me. How can the distance between the mountain top and the valley floor be but one step? One misstep on this loose, rocky ledge- I fall. I spiral down so fast at times, luckily i'm flexible enough to bounce- I bounce back sometimes just as quickly. Strength and weakness-oh how they interchange so frequently. Rugged terrain.....

...D..

With you

2008-06-03T21:09:00.003-05:00

My soul mate-I so long for you, you have no idea, the world has no idea. People pass me and see me smile but they don't know how empty I am inside without you. I want to be with you so bad, I want to touch you, hold you, and caress your beautiful face. I have loved you for so long, I thought I found you once but that just left me broken, shattered and confused. If though, that was a mere glimpse of you then I long even more for you. My soul mate, the one God created just for me. The one. To share my life- with you, to laugh- with you, and to cry- with you. There is so much I want to share with you, my thoughts, my dreams, my hopes, my fears, all- with you. I want to watch you sleep, just to adore you, to take you into my heart to a place noone has ever been. I want to whisper I love you where only your heart can hear. I want to softly kiss your forehead, wake you and have your smile be the first thing I see each and every morning. I want our morning kiss to declare our love for every day we share. I want to miss you so bad when we are apart that my stomach aches. I want to feel my heart skip a beat as you tell me how much you love me. I want to feel the excitement every time I once again get to see you, to hold you, to kiss you, to hear your sweet voice. I want to sit in silence feeling the love radiate from each of our hearts, no words needed; listening to our hearts as they fall-with you. I want to make a family -with you; I want to love hating the dirty diapers, the crying, the restless nights-with you. I want to be exhausted with you from the daily struggles having only enough energy to embrace at the end of a long day, embrace-with you. I want to make you my world, and I want to be yours, everything- with you. I want to help you clean the house, do the laundry, cook dinner just to be able to spend time- with you. I want us to put each other first above everything, to be each others everything-us. I want to share each day like it will be our last- with you. I want to grow old -with you, spoil our grandkids -with you. You, I want you. I know you are out there, I know you are searching for me. I know that you feel this same burning desire, this passion. I know that my love for you is strong, eternal. Here, right here, I wait. If only….if only.

A letter to the one I love and have not yet met-my soul mate.

…D..

My first...

2008-06-03T10:20:00.001-05:00

Hello all, this is my first post here. I am new to this and as you will soon see I am no great writer. This is a place for me to release, to have an out to some of the thoughts in my head. Readers beware on that one..lol..I will let you inside my head, please be careful and don't get lost-it is a scary place to be. I like to stir thoughts in others so please by all means reply and spark up discussions, let us reason together. Forewarning: I do like to play the devils advocate! Thanks for stopping by, more to come.....

...D..