Hump Day!

Hump day, middle of the week, can't wait for the weekend day. What can I say, this day we teeter on how bad the first half was or how nice the weekend is going to be. My hump day kinda sucked. My truck is being worked on, apparently Dodge can sell me a 40,000 dollar truck but they can't find a clunking noise in the front end. So now that they have had it five different times and I'm in yet another loaner car my patience is running out. If this keeps up I will have driven every product Dodge and Chrysler make. So last night I'm on my way home and I here a squeal and then the power steering goes out, everything starts to malfunction in the 06 Cherokee Laredo I'm driving. I keep driving, screw it, it's not mine and I'm almost home. When I pull into the drive this babies smokin' like there's a Bonn fire under the hood. So now I have nothing to get me to work in the morning; I could ride my Harley but they're calling for 50% chance of rain and we all no how my luck goes with rain. I call in, wake up at 8 am when the service dept. opens so I can have them bring me a new loaner. I go back to sleep for about an hour, get up, do my thing and wait...and I wait...and I wait!! Finally I call to check the status about 11:30, good news, the tow truck is loading my new ride to bring and swap out-great. Time for another 15 or 20 minute nap, (it was a long night-another blog altogether-NOT). Finally, a rap on the door. It's 1:00, yep, 5 hours later I finally have transportation. Crap, it's another Jeep Cherokee Laredo, but an 07 this time..big deal, I miss my big red 2008 1500 4-door Dodge Ram!! Withdrawals. Alright, time to go to work, heck, I'm only 7 1/2 hours late but I can still get in a good 4 hours. That's it, that's my hump day. I hope yours went much better. Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Cowboy up!

OK, so it's time to talk about walls again. Why do we build the stupid things anyway? Oh, that's right-it's to protect us, to keep us from getting hurt. Hmmm, so now that your life is in this nice little safety bubble I have one question, are you happy? No I think not, you may be content or comfortable but you are not truly happy. I say that because the very thing you are longing for is the very thing that you are keeping at arms length, outside your walls. You simply cannot have it both ways. Either you want to live, love and be happy or you want to remain inside your safety bubble. Black & white-right there it is. Here's what's going to happen, while everyone else is out chasing their dreams you will one day find yourself at the end of your rainbow with nowhere to go and no pot of gold. We think that we are protecting ourselves from hurt when in reality we are just creating more in the long run. In essence, we take the waterfall of emotion the hurt created and dam it up and let it trickle out over a long period of time just enough to keep the dam from busting. So in doing so the pain never really goes away because we didn't heal, forgive and move on. Instead we hide our pitiful little selves behind walls. If you've been hurt and you have built a wall, what happens when the next person comes along? Do you keep them on the outside making them pay the price for the hurt someone else caused? I had a good friend beside me as I was tearing down my last remaining walls a few years back so I can say this with experience and the utmost confidence; the only true happiness you will ever find will be when you have no more walls to hide behind. When you are completely exposed, naked before the world open and ready for whatever may come your way. Life hurts, love hurts, but you can not quit living just because you get hurt. It truly is better to have loved and failed than to never have loved at all. Think of how great it is to have someone to share everything with, that's what we all long for, that's the reason you built your wall because you lost this very thing. Quit hiding behind walls, go after what makes you happy. A cowboy rides not worried about the fall, get up-dust yourself off and try it again. Cowboy up!

*#@%$ YOU!

Why do we have to be such a judgmental society? Where does it come from? Do we just keep passing it down from one generation to the next? I wonder at times if I am the only person to see people for who they are and not what their status is, or where they came from, where they've been, or who they know. We are even judgemental of ourselves, and we're usually harder on ourselves than others are on us. I am constantly seeing or hearing people judging people. It tires me. This example is lightly tied to the subject but it will show relevance. I know a young man who is on the verge of divorce because his current wife found out about something he did with a girl before they met. Now how you retro anger and judgement back to a time before you were in this guys life? I don't get it, what right does this person have to be mad over something pre-her? I've heard statements made like "she's too good for you" or " there not good enough for you". How do these people know who is good for who? Don't get me wrong, I know to a certain degree we all judge in some way. I am guilty of lesser crimes, to be honest-I hate stupid people. Sorry, can't help it- that's just me. All I am saying is consider a persons heart and what they have been and/or are going through and then apply the situation to your life, Now how would you look? Think before you speak---JUDGE YOU!
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Ahhhh, sweet release........

I don't have a lot to say today, I've been really busy lately and I am way behind on my blogging. I am feeling pretty good because I finally got the release I needed; the goodbye I never received, the closure I needed to understand. Although at the time some things were said that confused me I now have a clarity that was far from my grasp before. I still don't know why things ended up the way they did but choices were made and now we live with the consequences. Will I ever forget? No. Will I still be reminded? Yes. Will the love remain within me? Yes. Will I live in yesterday wanting what was? No, I am moving forward. There is so much in life for me to enjoy and experience. I am thankful for all that was brought into my life, for the things I had never felt, and never experienced. I know now how good it can be and I want to have it again soon. I am hopeful for the future for the past is just that--the past. You have to know where you've been before you can know where you are going. I am going into tomorrow smiling. To YOU, thank you and good luck. I hope life brings you what you desire the most. To ME, (smiling) ahhh, sweet release!!!!!!
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Life and love

Is it me or does life and love just seem too freakin' complicated sometimes? Why does one have to get hurt for another to be happy? Why does,,,you know what, a light bulb just came on-I'll tell you why; because so many people go through life so haphazardly not knowing what they want that they settle for something less than what will truly make them happy so when they do figure out where happiness lies they are already bound to something or someone else. So I guess the question should be, why do people settle for less than what will make them truly happy? I know people make mistakes but we aren't bound by too many laws, this isn't the "old testament", this is the "grace dispensation". I was in a bad marriage for 14 years because I made a mistake at age 19 and I stayed in it so long because I was told "that's the right thing to do", "the bible says that's what you have to do". Hello? So now I'm bound by the laws even though I'm saved by grace? I thought forgiveness erased mistakes? So I should be miserable the rest of my life because in my youth I screwed up? It took me a long time to realize God is bigger than all of the ignorant, uneducated, bible twisting, narrow minded "elders" in the world and his GRACE is sufficient!! So I messed up, got married for the wrong reason or in this case too young, does that mean I should stay out of mere obligation? If I get a divorce will God never forgive me (here is where you hear-"you'll always be living in adultery by marrying someone else"); oh yeah? I thought God forgave my sins? So which is it, does law bind me or grace forgive me? People need to quit gagging on the gnats and crapping dung of camel. I have been divorced 2 1/2 years now and I still don't feel that God has removed any of his calling on my life. He said the gifts of God are given without repentance, meaning he still expects me to do what he called me to do because he doesn't regret calling me to do it. Based on that I have to say God is right-your wrong, get over it and let God worry about judging people. You probably struggle to keep your own life in decent order so what makes you think you can manage mine or anyone Else's? Life is hard enough on our own, we can't let outsiders try to micromanage us. Love is difficult sometimes but can anyone tell you what you feel or what is right for your life or what will make you happy? No, we cannot live for other people or we will one day wake up and find ourselves in utter misery and we will feel to old and afraid to change by then. Today I choose to be Happy! You do what you will but don't be surprised to find one day that the people you tried to make happy are no longer around. Live~ Laugh~ Love
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Silence

Silence is a funny thing, it comes in many forms and variations yet it is still the same. One who has a migraine finds silence as medication. For someone who may be totally stressed the silence can be relaxing. We put our kids in time out for punishment-silence. When a friend is hurting we sit in silence with them for comfort, supportive silence. Sometimes we take a moment of silence for prayer. Silence can bring peace, silence can bring fear. Silence can bring memories back to thought. For a grandparent after the holiday silence brings sadness when the family leaves. For a spouse who has lost their life partner silence causes pain to reverberate in the heart. When a full house, a home full of love suddenly becomes empty the silence is deafening. Silence soothes, silence hurts, silence....silence. Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

The world awaits....

Yep, you guessed it. I am still crunching the numbers, planning, & working out the details of taking an indefinite vacation to travel. It isn't that complicated really and there isn't as much risk involved as one might think. Yes I would technically be stepping out of my career temporarily but by the same token I plan on pursuing other interest while travelling. The safety net is as simple as keeping an escape route open to come home whenever needed. Then it's just a matter of re-entering the work force. You thought it was WAY more complicated didn't you? Well it's not. Life rarely is as complicated as we like to make it in our minds. Sometimes it' s just a matter of stepping outside the box. Getting out of your comfort zone. The plans are becoming clearer now it's just a matter of making it happen. I'll let you know when there is more. Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

The Easy Road..

We've all heard that the shortest distance between to points is a straight line but does that mean it is the best route to take? Could it be that the long route is the most fulfilling? We all take the path of least resistance but is that always the wisest choice? What about taking the easy route, the easy way out, is it the best route? What if the harder route brings you what you really desire, what makes you truly happy?
The bible refers to a broad path and a narrow path, in the biblical scenario the narrow path, or the path less travelled is the one that leads to paradise, Heaven, fulfillment, Happiness.
It is true that there are fewer footsteps to follow on the narrow path, after all, it is the harder one so people choose not to take it. You won't find much help along the way again because no one will be on that path. It will probably be a lonely journey but it will be worth it if you keep your destination in view. I choose the hard path, the lonely path; I do not fear change and I welcome the challenge. I've fallen down, I've bled from the scrapes but bruises heal, cuts mend. I have made the hurt and loneliness my friend on this path before. Still, I choose this path because its rewards are great; success and accomplishment feels good. It builds self worth, confidence and strengthens you for the next journey.
Life is filled with crossroads, the path isn't always easy but don't choose the easy route or settle for less than what you desire from fear of the unknown. If you want to find me search on the narrow path, I won't be with the crowd that are faint of heart. You won't find me on the easy road. Until then...
Keeponkeepin'on


...D..

Smoke and Mirrors

What if half of the things we deal with in life aren't really what they seem? What if the lessons we've learned were wrong? What if half of what we were taught is a fallacy? Who's to say what is right and what is wrong? What if we are bound in our mind only by the limits we are taught? What if we stepped outside of those boundaries and try the impossible? What if we forgot about limitations, would there still be some? What if we only think we are happy because of a false perception of what happiness is? What if the love that I feel for someone isn't really real? What if Chill bumps really aren't caused by anything more than a nervous reaction? What if sex doesn't really feel good, it just seems like it in our mind? What if emotions don't exist and are just an extension of our thoughts? What if our fears are nothing more than built up thoughts and what we fear really won't hurt us? What if everyone we meet is a potential soul mate? What if soul mates don't exist? What if beauty is only in our mind? What if we really all look the same? What if red was really blue but we've been taught otherwise? What if there is no Heaven or Hell? What if there is no God? What if we are just Gods flea circus and we will all perish when he's done playing with us? What if there are many Gods, why else would he be a jealous God? Why does God send people to Hell just because of where they are born or who their ancestors are? What if the devil doesn't exist, is it that hard to believe those evil thoughts are just your own? What if chicken taste' like steak? What if water isn't really wet? What if a cow is really a camel? What if you really aren't reading this? What if it's all just one long dream? What if it's all just smoke and mirrors? What if??
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

I wish...and I just might!

Do you ever get tired of the same ole daily grind? Wake up, eat, go to work, eat, work some more, go home, eat, work around the house (insert your repetitions here), go to bed. Wake up, eat....blah blah blah. Why does life have to be so blah? It's all screwed up if you ask me,I know- you didn't. You get to enjoy a brief moment in life in your youth while being educated and then it's off to work, you work 40+ years and then when you are too old or God forbid too feeble to enjoy life you finally get a chance to. What's wrong with this picture? I want to enjoy all I can now, screw retirement, I'll go till I die. When that time comes I don't want to make it to the grave all nice and pretty, I want to skid in all beat up and battered screaming 'woo hoo, what a ride" and know that I enjoyed every minute of it. I'm going skydiving on the 26th of this month, from there I don't know whats next-maybe bull riding. I would like to ride my Harley to Mexico and/or Canada. I want to see all the world has to offer, I may have to start domestically going from state to state. I am seriously contemplating selling everything I have and just travel for awhile. It would be a good time to devote to writing a book. No, I am not having a mid-life crisis nor am I running from anything. I just think I would rather blow my retirement now when I can enjoy it and then just die gracefully...and happy! I have always been a free spirit but I have managed to keep myself structured doing "what we are programed to do". Now, I thinks it's time to live. I'll keep you posted.
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Along the same vein...

I think I'll continue a bit along the same vein as yesterday but at a different angle. So through all of this breaking up stuff I chose to be noble, maintain my character, integrity and dignity. By that I mean I didn't go pounding on her door begging and pleading, don't get me wrong-that is exactly what I wanted to do because I felt our love was definitely worth fighting for but because of circumstance I chose the high road. So here is my thought: is there such a thing as nobility anymore? Maybe it passed on with the age of the sword,with the Kings and Queens. Maybe we are all now just peasants. So then what did/does it profit me to be noble? No one else noticed or cares. It didn't do one thing to benefit me. Would it have made a difference had I laid it all on the line, begged, pleaded and cried? Would all the songs or poems of heartbreak mattered had they been laid at her door opposed to remaining in my heart? Would I have changed as a person by crawling through utter humility? Would that make me ignominious or just ignoble? What would change? What matters? Does any one care?
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Progress - Digress

Here I go opening my heart up for the world to look in, sometimes I question my sanity. Here's the story, I was doing so well with my recent heartbreak (so I thought) until I "ran into her" over the weekend. It was getting easier everyday dealing with the loss, the emptiness inside. But then like a dam had broken the emotions flooded back in renewing the hurt all over again. I thought I was over the loneliness of waking up without her by my side, walking in to an empty house, hoping her car is in the driveway each time I come home, hoping it's her every time the phone rings or each time I check the answering machine. Hoping to see her name in every email opened. Everywhere I look I see reminders of her, of us. Songs play on the radio sometimes in succession as if just to haunt me. The bad thing is I had come to terms with being rejected but I asked if she made the right choice in leaving and got an "I don't know" answer which only fueled the hope of her coming back, now I have to start the process all over again. I know she is not coming back, my heart knows that, at least not soon-If I know her it'll take a few years to figure out she screwed up. It's the process of starting over-moving on I guess that is so hard. I think what hurts the most is thinking she really doesn't know how much I love her, I think somehow because she never had it before that in her mind it became unbelievable. It wasn't from lack of telling or showing her, I do know that. I know you're thinking "oh it'll get better" or "you'll forget about her and move on" so let me tell you,I don't need to hear your empty advice. The love I have will never die, yes it will go to some secret place in my heart so I can move on but it will always remain just below the surface, hiding behind every smile. After all, I can't show the toll it is taking- my heart breaking. Well, that's off my chest. It only took a few short hours with her to make my progress-digress. Until next time. Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Nostalgia

I have a thought but I am pressed for time so I will try to skip through this quickly and I hope not too much is lost in the process. I've had a lot of thoughts lately about nostalgia and how it affects us emotionally. Nostalgia by definition is 1)A state of being homesick. 2)a wistful or excessively sentimental yearning for return to or of some past period or irrecoverable condition; also : something that evokes nostalgia. Have you ever heard a song that took you back to a particular place in time like high school or a summer day in your youth? There are scientific studies that link not only sights and sounds to memory but smell and taste as well. I can tell you from experience that I have caught the fragrance of a woman's perfume on the air and actually looked around for the person that memory brought to mind. Not long ago I had a friend (and now that I think about it I can recall a few more) who "bumped" into a childhood crush that extended into adulthood but the two never dated. After some extensive conversations they found out they both had the long crushes for each other. I have heard this story many times and I've wondered how emotions from years past can turn into a sense of "love" now. I have felt nostalgia myself but it has never led to a relationship. I'll admit, I like the feeling you get as much as anyone when a moment taken from my past refreshes in an emotion today. I would like to focus on one certain aspect of the definition because I think we all understand the others rather well; "Irrecoverable condition"...did that stand out in your mind like it did in mine? To me that is pretty plain it says: nostalgia is a remembrance of a certain time or place that cannot be had again-irrecoverable. Hmmm, then it is just a memory? But why do the emotions feel so real? Because the memory is tied to real emotions that you had originally. How many times have you seen people get together with an old high school flame just to see it fizzle out a short time later? Too many people get caught up in the past. This subject is much bigger than I anticipated so I'll make my point and end-gotta get some real work done. Again, too many people get caught up in the past, what once was. The problem is that life changes, people change, circumstances change, etc,. If I were to offer any advice on the subject it would be this, nostalgia has an expiration date, it may remain on the shelf indefinitely but once the box has been opened and the contents thoroughly covered then it will expire. If you ever encounter the opportunity to "live in the past-today" keep in mind that love has to be built on a foundation of trust, with bricks of honor, walls painted of cherish, decorated with romance and intimacy; these are the things that fill a home with love. Love cannot survive on memories, history, or practicability. Only the test of time will prove if it is really love so I wouldn't make any snap judgement to run off and get married to soon unless you enjoy going through divorces. Take your time, let love flourish and grow like it needs to. Gotta run, until next time. Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

What a difference a year makes.

Well it's Monday morning and I am extremely tired, I just didn't get much rest over the weekend. I went to West Virginia to spend time with a friend and we visited other friends. Then I went to his Family Reunion which was nice because I got to see some people that I hadn't seen in years-some as many as 20 years. I recently saw a picture of my third grade "graduating" class and this weekend had the opportunity to take a picture with my best friend and another childhood friend that I hadn't seen in 16 years. We went through school together from kinder garden through high school graduation so it was nice to reminisce. The thought occurred to me on the drive back to Tennessee the changes that take place as time slips away from us. When seeing people on a regular basis the changes are far less noticeable but stretch that out 5 years, 10 years or even 20 years and it is quite thought provoking. Time seems to get away faster and faster every day, every month, and every year.

This time last year the aforementioned friend and I were still feeling the jet lag from a trip to Israel, my devotion was to my college work, my job was secure and I had a happy go lucky attitude toward personal relationships. Now? I haven't taken a vacation this year, my interest in college work has drop to "whatever" mode, my job is shaky and I am still feeling the dull pain from losing the love of my life. What a difference a year makes. I'll add pics later of thrid grade and now. Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Fist to the wind

Finally got to get back out on the Harley and I must say things never looked better. My eyes are getting better everyday from my recent Lasik surgery; everything is so crisp and clear. I wish sometimes I could attach a camera to my helmet and record every view that I see while out on my motorcycle, I love it. From the many waterways, creeks, rivers, and lakes to the great smokey mountains, the twists and turns through vast farmlands; the peace and serenity is awesome. I also wish I could record the thoughts in my head when I ride. Riding is so freeing!! Most of all I wish I had "the one" whom I could share every experience with. Anyway, just stopped in for a short rest and then off again for more holiday excitement. Until next time, keep your helmet tight, your heels to the past and your fist to the wind.
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Let Freedom Ring

Good morning. As we approach the anniversary of this great country's independence I can't help but think of all who have given their all for our freedom.
I've read that no greater love hath a man that would lay down his life for a friend; so how much did the men love this country and the dream of freedom that they would give the ultimate sacrifice for it, for you, for me? And the men & women who today continue to put their life on the line so that we can enjoy the freedoms that we do on a daily basis?
Regardless of how you feel about the war and the many scattered troops across the world I would hope that you haven't forgotten the price that has been paid for you to have the freedom to protest, the freedom to gripe and complain about everything you disagree with. Yes this freedom that so many take advantage of comes at a great price. The price of our sons and daughters over many generations.

So when you celebrate the 4th, however you see fit, take a moment to ponder what independence really means, think of the price paid for you to have it. May you have a very safe and fun Independence Day. Let Freedom Ring!
Keeponkeepin'on




...D..

Midlife Crisis???

The question has arisen, what is a midlife crisis? So I guess you have to know what it is before you can know if you are in it. Now I haven't had a lot of time to contemplate this since the question was just presented about an hour ago but here are some quick findings. According to a leader in the research of male menopause Jed Diamond, 52% of men between 40 and 70 in the U.S. are now going through male menopause. Men experience complex hormonal rhythms’ that affect their mood, their physical well-being and their sexuality. Emotional symptoms include irritability, worry, indecisiveness and depression. Physical symptoms include fatigue, weight gain, short-term memory loss and sleep disturbance. Sexual symptoms include reduced libido, fear of sexual failure and an increased desire to "prove" he can still perform by seeking a younger partner. The following are the top ten warning signs of male menopause:
1. Taking longer to recover from injuries or illness
2. Nervousness and irritability
3. Decrease or loss of sexual enjoyment
4. Feeling time is running out
5. Decreased memory and concentration
6. Increased anxiety or fear
7. Feeling fat, gaining weight
8. Sleep disturbances
9. Indecisiveness
10. Loss of interest and self-confidence

The following are the top ten life changes associated with male menopause:
1. Hormone-production levels are dropping
2. Sexual vigor is diminishing
3. Physical stamina and strength are decreasing
4. Children are leaving
5. Parents are dying
6. Job horizons are narrowing
7. Marriages (Sometimes 2ND and 3rd) are breaking up
8. Friends are getting sick
9. Hopes are being lost
10. Dreams are left unsatisfied
Copyright © 1998 by Jed Diamond

Yes, I know, that is a lot to chew on. It is said that male menopause is similar to male puberty, the right of passage from one dimension of life to another. It can occur as young as 35 and as late as 65 according to studies. My question is,do you need to have all or just some of the warning signs to be considered going through male menopause? Many of these signs can come in part for many different reasons in a mans life. Based on that thought process alone I would say that you need to be experiencing a large majority of the signs to consider yourself in or beginning male menopause. It is a funny thing that anytime you decide to change something, buy a new car, buy a motorcycle, change your hair color, start dressing differently, or any number of things that this question arises, "Are you going through a midlife crisis"? I have been asked this a few times myself, mostly out of jest but still asked none the less. For one thing I find that people are just afraid of change. They don't like change in their life so if you change something in yours is raises a flag in their mind. What's wrong with stepping outside the box occasionally for either the fun of it, the attention or just simply to try something different? Does this mean you are losing touch of who you are or just trying to discover new aspects of who you are? There is much to be considered when determining if you are in a midlife crisis, what are the motives for changes? If things fall in line with the above scenario from Jed Diamonds research than maybe you should consider delving deeper into the matter and possibly seek help getting through it. If you are just discovering another dimension of your own personality than don't let people convince you that you are "ill". Yes menopause is considered an illness be it male or female because physiological changes are normally taking place within ones body therefore needing possible medical attention. Depression can be a destructive force if not dealt with properly. I do not believe that everything can be treated with a pill, I am in no way suggesting that. Sometimes a mere soul searching, answer seeking, spiritual awakening is what needs be prescribed. So do I think you are going through a midlife crisis? I don't know, only you can answer that. I know that whatever the conclusion my advice to you is the same as to all-find what makes you happy and do it! Change need not be feared, judgement should not be controlled by pride. In the end, you are the only one who needs answer for the decisions you make. As for me, I choose happiness and this I will continue to seek fully and in truth.
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..

Good Tuesday Morning...

Not a lot has changed since yesterday, just glad to have another opportunity at this thing we call "life". Life, a wonderfully beautiful gift that is taken for granted way too often. Nothing really to say, just happy to be alive, healthy, working, breathing, walking, talking, typing, wealthy and wise (yeah, that one's for me). Enjoy all that you can out of this day, it could be your last. Live-Laugh-Love
Keeponkeepin'on

...D..